What? Here? Now?

living the unpaved.

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NYC, the Onset

Who knew when I started this blog over 5 years ago I’d end up here.

Some thoughts as I jump into this…


Also, Psalm 24:1. and John 15:5.

Only by God’s grace can I be here.

Today was filled with anxiety, sorrow, moments of peace and extreme gratefulness, and moments of high stress.
Over and over I say to myself; Just keep going. One foot in front of the other.
God will make the path clear. He is here, He goes before us.


Story: Day One

When I left this morning, I was filled with such anxiety and sorrow…. And then I got on the plane. I bought a ticket 2 days ago. Flying Southwest, I paid extra to get priority boarding. Because, by golly, I wanted my aisle seat. Long legs + short spaces = the crap. Got on, claimed an overhead bin like a ninja, and snagged my aisle seat close to the front like a boss. It’s the little things, I suppose.
Plane was filling up, some guy takes the window seat… proceeds to take pictures of his family sitting across the aisle. Weird, but, hey. He smells okay. (Which, if you didn’t know, was the definitive measurement of acceptable airline flying seat companions. You cannot sit next to McDougle who hasn’t showered in the last 48 hours.)
Almost full, no middle seat. Which again, if you didn’t know, is the appropriate time for a small pre-victory dance. Perhaps you’ll be spared! The plane is full, and no one is sitting next to you! Victory!
Alas, the seat got claimed. First by some dude, who then switched with his wife. It was at this point I should have known something was up. I should have put my headphones in, but gosh darnit if I’m not an extrovert. Strike up conversation with the plants. Wife looks at me, bit panicked.

“Thanks, I’m just worried. My daughter is sitting back there, by herself. I hope she doesn’t start crying.”

Me:…. “What, really? How old is she? Where at?” I started to say…’If you ask the steward folks, they usually ask if people traveling alone can switch to have 2 seats next to each other…’
When I realized, it was me. I started to ask the woman sitting next to her daughter if she wanted to switch with me.. which made no sense because we were both in aisle seats. Someone was going to have to take the middle seat. WIthout realizing what was coming out of my mouth, or even what was happening, I found myself saying..

“Sure, yeah, we can switch, I’ll just sit here….”

What? What the actual crap did I just say??? Did I just give up my hard won aisle seat?? To be scrunched next to picture dude and woman with a PC?

Before I knew it, I was in the middle.

And the woman next to her daughter? She was crying. Out of joy.

When we finally took off, I realized again, God was punching me in the face with, ‘it’s not about YOU. it’s about ME.’ Great reminder as I head into the city, where it can be all too easy to be self focused, instead of God focused.